I can honestly say that until a short time ago, I did not know what love was. There was no way I could have. I mean, of course, the chaotic, protective, love-you-because-you’re-a-permanent-fixture-in-my-life kind of love that I have for my family, and very few friends is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the “in love-love.” Is this post some sacrilegious rant that I will regret a few months from now? Perhaps. Right now, it is my acknowledgement of my growth as a human being. I am not a bitch, a player, a heartless asexual creature — why did I ever want to be any of those things?
I have learned that in my own disregard of emotion, I have bred the deepest emotions of all. In my attempts to be cool, I have radiated panic. I have learned that I am the pretty girl, the loving girl, the girlfriend girl — I am the best side of me I’ve seen now that I am accepting of myself.
My guy doesn’t read my mind, he doesn’t contribute to some grand catharsis of mine. He hasn’t halted his personal life or wore any ridiculous “I Love My Girlfriend” t-shirt. He is, however, my friend. He is my friend in every sense of the word. He is the one who always gives a damn about the constant rush hour in my mind. He does not always understand. He does not always do or say the right things, but, he always tries.
That is what I’ve realized about love: it isn’t this magical fairytale where Prince Charming arrives on a horse driven chariot to take you away to some utopia. He is not John Smith or Noah Calhoun. Not only that, I am not Pocahontas or Allie Hamilton. I am imperfect. I make mistakes — stupid ones. I overthink, I exaggerate. That’s beside the point. The point is, in some Carrie Bradshaw climactic kind of way — I have found my best friend. I have found someone who I know will be ready to jump head first into any situation I can throw at him. And I, well I am ready to do the same. That is what I’ve realized about love. We have interlocked hands in way that is deeper than a candelit dinner or a goodnight kiss (not that those things aren’t extremely awesome too). I have come to care about someone’s well being just as much as I do my own, and quite frankly, I think that that deserves an enthusiastic applause (and an equally enthusiastic internet post).
